What Are You Afraid Of?

I want to start this out with a little secret about me... I love women. I know, shocking. But I do not mean I love women as in "I still have the 1970s Farrah poster..." - I respond better to women at work, at home, out on the town, where and whenever. Most of my friends are women, mostly because most of my friends are my wife's friends... I am a Badger, transplanted to the Flatlands you know.



Don't get me wrong, if a woman is a bitch, I do not like her. If she's a cheatin' Ho-Bag who treats a good man like dirt, I could probably watch as she got run down by a bus... But I digress.



So it pains me greatly to see a good woman, especially a friend, hurting because she can't find a man who can - or will - put as much into a relationship (or an attempt at a relationship) as she does.



I have such a friend. She is beautiful, smart, funny, adventurous, and when she loves someone, she does so without limitation. She will put everything out there, on her sleeve, even though it exposes her to being hurt. The unforunate thing is, her men have been happy to let her do all the emotional work, without acceptable return on investment.



I don't get it guys... What are you afraid of? It has to be fear. In her current Beau's case, I have to surmise that he is a "Bro"... Not the '70s slang for an African American male friend, but the popped collar, Birkenstocks and khaki cargo shorts, upside-down and backwards visor, Natty Ice-Drinkin' Bro. She says no, but I think he (being in his 30s now) has gone Bro-in-Cognito. Still too concerned about hangin' with his group of Bros, he fears putting out too much emotional investment will make him look weak to the guys. Also, my friend is in her early 40s, so I am pretty sure he fears missing out on a younger, seemingly hotter chick. Listen Chief, if you haven't sowed all those wild oats by 30 or so, you have deeper issues than I care to get into.



Other guys may be afraid they can't keep up that kind of emotional end-of-the-bargain. Then you're just lazy, all she needs is 100%. You don't have to manufacture any, just give what you got. You don't have to act, jump through hoops, or hold back... What's so tough?



The old "fear of commitment" thing is just a guy's way of saying: "It's all about me, and my quest for Halle Berry". Well, Halle's busy, and self-important people get what's coming to them; just ask Bernie Madhoff, or Charlie Sheen.



I know, you're afraid of rejection. You go ahead and put out your fair share of emotional investment, and it doesn't work out... WELL, BOO-FRICKETY-HOO. Sometimes that happens... As a matter of fact, it probably WILL happen. So saving it up is doing you no good; you're gonna get hurt, tough guy... Deal with it.



Some - even other women - will say my friend should hold back, not leave herself open like that.

WHY SHOULD SHE? Why should anyone have to supress the single greatest thing we have to offer one another? Maybe all you closed-off, hearts-in-shackles cynics should let go once in a while. Let yourself feel that Puppy-Love rush; whatsamatter, are you too "grown-up" to feel like that anymore?



Maybe some of you are latent homosexuals... My friend is not hard on the eyes, and she likes the physical part of love, too... But you'd rather stay home - alone - WATCHING SNL? You sir, are either ultimately stupid, or you have a vast array of Judy Garland collectibles and dust ruffles. Which is it..? Well, we're waiting...



Here is my advice to all my brothers and sisters - Don't look for a woman/man who you think will make you happy; look for the woman/man who you want to make happy, because it makes you happy to see her/him happy... Get it? It's a good kind of vicious cycle.

And guys, if you meet my friend, and the sparks start to fly - prepare to be blown away, and don't be afraid to return the favor.



Peace, Love, and... Well... Love



St00bert